September 12, 2017
Suddenly it is show time. We kind of blinked. It’s like that. Months away and then upon you. One of the things I do is to visualise the day after, when I am anxious about an impending event. Remember that you will likely outlive it and the potential shame. If you don’t outlive it, it wont bother you. I don’t do afterlife.
Someone comes in and says the room is sold out and the vibe is good. I am so worried about the sound. How this is potentially my last chance to sing here and I may leave nothing but an uncomfortable experience in my efforts to prove myself worthy of notice. Fuck it. The acoustics are not of my making and my sound men are top notch. We can only effect what we can effect. I can only give what is is my gift.
I stood at a curtain with Dougie, my stage manager, and waited for the leader track to finish before walking onstage via the auditorium. To enter backstage would have required going outside round the block. Nah.
I walked through the audience boxer style. Albeit a fey one. Took the 3 steps up stage and centred myself. Shit. The floor is carpeted lushly. How had I not noticed? I wont be able to distract from the sound with risible mum dancing. Instead I imagine I moved like one of those blokes landing a plane with Ping Pong bats. I don’t think my stage clothes work either. It’s not like you try them on and have a dance around your bedroom to see how they fit for purpose. Maybe that’s exactly what you do. Other, me.
So I sing and thank God I can hear myself. James on monitors excels himself again. Darren out front is reigning in unruly frequencies like a sorcerer long apprenticed. We stay on the horse. Face to the wind.
Talking of wind, our tour bus hasn’t come. The poor fellow due to drive it in had lost his house in Florida. A sage reminder that everywhere people are hanging on to their lives by the skin of their teeth. Mine is a ridiculous job when you deconstruct it. Remember that, Mo.
We left the stage knowing it wasn’t perfect but so sodding delighted that we got through it, and more than this, that we were met with enthusiasm and love and every kindness. I’m glad we started here. With these people.
We gathered together in my dressing room and debriefed. The set was a bit long. Nearly 2 hours. I did rabbit a bit to be fair, but some songs will have to go. Both for the sake of the audience, and to make my voice last 3 months without letting anyone down.
Outside I met with some people that had waited to say hello and we laughed and took selfies.
Sometimes I have to leg it depending on the state of my throat or the nighttime drive to the next city. This happily was not one of those times, though those times will surely come and I apologise in advance.
It was midnight. Tim (Tour manager) G and I hadn’t had dinner. We drove back to the hotel via a dirty burger 24 hour outlet for a take-out 1/4 pounder. Later, after I was washed, I remembered it and ate it cold. G said, this morning in the lounge that hers was rough. The grey meat alarmed her. Sometimes, I said, it is best to eat in the dark.